Feel the Fear and do it Anyway!

Let's face it. One of the biggest things we have to deal with in life is fear. We all have fear of something. Many fears are irrational, but that doesn't make them less real. I have learned that facing fears is one of the most uplifting things in the world. I want to share my story.



I have been a textbook arachnophobic for as long as I can remember. I don't recall a specific event that made me deathly afraid of spiders...just that I have been terrified of them for "ever"!.



I have never traveled to a tropical place for fear of running into a spider. I couldn't even look at pictures of spiders! I have been "locked" out of my own house by a spider on a web near my door! I couldn't pass in fear that it would some how end up either following me in the house or landing on me on the way by. I was ALWAYS on the look out for spiders lest I walk into one or have it fall on me. I hated summer, and I LOATHED fall, because that's when they are actually out at their worst. It's like they eat mice all summer or something, then come out in the fall when they weigh about 2lbs! I was a serious spider freak!!! I'm sure you're starting to catch the drift!



So...when I decided to go to Africa, I thought it might be time to get over this spider thing. I wouldn't have been able to relax and enjoy my trip if I had been worrying about spiders the whole time.



About 7 months before I left, I had one of my co-workers e-mail me a picture of an average garden spider. I couldn't find the picture of one myself because I was too afraid of googling "spider". When the picture arrived in my inbox, I pushed myself as far away from my computer as I could and still be able to reach the mouse. I opened the picture and sat with my hand over my eyes until someone finally offered to close the picture for me. It was awful. But after about 10 minutes of whining with my back to the screen, I finally held a co-workers hand and took a quick peek.



I could tell this story for days, but I think you're getting the picture. Over the next several weeks, I had the same friend e-mail me progressively bigger and grosser spiders, and I would look at them as many times a day as I could stand. By the end of most days, I was completely grossed out. I was emotionally exhausted from being grossed out. It was gross!



Finally after several weeks, I went to videos. The still photo was getting pretty easy to look at, but a moving arachnid was going to be a different story. I did the same thing with the videos...every day until I was completely drained.



Then after about 6 weeks, I made an appointment with a formerly phobic friend who really understood what I was going through. We met at a pet store and my friend went to ask the clerk to bring out a tarantula. I stood with my back pressed to the door of the pet store, hyperventilating and crying. When the clerk had the spider in place (in what looked like a Tupperware container, in a separate room with a big window) my friend waved me up the isle. I started to cry worse, in fact I was hyperventilating and sobbing loudly as I walked up the isle. I must have looked like I was getting weak, because my friend put out his hand to steady me. I bet he's sorry he did that. I grabbed his hand, and never let go until it was time to leave the store.



When I got to the window, there it was. An enormous, grey, hairy spider inside this container. The only thing that saved me was shear determination (and the gecko and the cute kitty that were in the same room that I kept averting my gaze toward!). I was in spider hell! But I wasn't giving up. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for this. I cried almost the whole time. I talked to the spider (I don't think I said nice things) and I would not leave until I was good and ready. I kept telling that spider that he wasn't going to win this battle. My friend kept telling me we could leave, and I kept saying no. I was going to win if it killed me. I suspect it nearly did!



After about 10 minutes, I decided I was ready to leave. I have to admit, I have never been so happy to leave a single spot in my whole life. But I have also never been more proud, elated, excited, uplifted...GET A THESAURUS...I NEED TO GO ON!!! It was the greatest accomplishment of my entire life. I felt like I was 10 feet tall. I was shaking and soaked in sweat and my face was a mess from all the crying, but I was, at that moment, the greatest person who ever lived!!! HAHA! Take that spider! HA!



I am proud to say that spiders only even crossed my mind a few times while I was in Africa, and I didn't see even one!



Don't get me wrong, I don't love spiders now. And occasionally I get stuck behind a glass door because there's a big juicy one on the outside and I can't get by. But, I can take matters into my hands most of the time now. I still brag about it almost daily!



Believe me. If I can get over this, there is no fear that cannot be conquered. I try to remind myself of this any time I am feeling like I can't defeat something...anything. It just takes determination, focus, a big ole' set of kahunas, and some supportive friends. In this case, I was very fortunate to have all of these things.